Return of the Come-Back

It feels weird to be writing here again. My last post here was dated May 5, 2008, almost 2 years ago. I started this blog with the sole purpose of documenting everything about and around me.

As I was reading this blog, seems like I was just putting crap posts in here, I guess. I normally don't write anything with regards to my life, but I made this blog as an exemption somehow. Writing stuff with regards to my personal dilemma with my partner.

But for almost 2 years of silence, I'm back with no vengeance tho;.. lol! I think I'll be posting something new, something fresh, something fancy, and something out of the ordinary things with regards not just to me but to everyone around me.

Aside from feeling weird while writing this one, it also feels nice to be writing again. I just hope I can get this one going for a very long time.

KUDOS to me! ;p

Hair Day

Shaved. Yep! I've shaved my head again. I did it not because I have to, but only because I'm bored. Really. I am.

I've been shaving my head for almost 6 years now. It all started on the 2nd semester of 2002, I guess. A bad haircut made me decide to shaved my head. Why had a bad haircut during the enrollment? You don't wanna know. It's not that complicated to explain the details tho', it's just that, it really is silly. Just to give you an idea on what really happened that day, read below:

CWTS + not so cool professor + enrollment = Bad haircut

So from then on I've been shaving my head up until now. I shaved my head once a week or sometimes once every other week. Yep. I'm used to having short hair. The longest that my hair had grown since 2002 was about an inch. That's it. I feel uneasy whenever my hair starts to grow. It feels like I look stupid and feels very hot in the head. Some would say that I look like I'm turning into an ape(lol).

Having a shaved head offers a few good things. I don't need a shampoo anymore. I only use an ordinary bath soap to clean my head and scalp. Also, I save time. For most cases, guys spend time on styling their hair, unlike me, I actually save time because I don't have to comb my hair anymore. And I look neat. See, good things in life are free(lol)!

I don't know up to when I'm gonna maintain this kind of hairstyle (hhmmmmm). It's a bit costly actually because I always go to a barber shop every now and then just to shave my head. I wanted to buy a head shaver but it's not cheap. There are this cheap imitation head shavers in the market tho' but I don't wanna buy those, it just might cut or damage my scalp. Oh well, having a shaved head also has its price.

The Buzzing Life

I don't know what to write, maybe this is just another crap post that I guess a lot of blogger does. Well, this is my own version.

It's been quite a while since my last post. Nothing really changed actually, besides the fact that me and my partner are "back and on track now" and my brother who used to play in a band in UAE just got back two weeks ago. Senseless.

I also learned about a certain blog site where all posts were solely dedicated for the people connected to the university that I myself am an alumnus. It's a project actually, I don't know for what subject course, but for sure the site is very promising not like my spot here, everything here seems nonsense. Well anyhow, the site is kultura-akasya.blogspot.com. The blog is written purely in "bisaya"(one of the many filipino languages) and is entitled "Kultura sa Akasya". Nicely done for a project.

Now, I just remembered someone I know who used to be a student in same university that I was in. We used to be schoolmates, but I think he dropped out or something. His name by the way is marco, and is known in the world of internet as andhotbot. He used to be a geeky-weirdo kinda person, a bit shorter than me, walking his way in the streets of obrero going to downtown with his skateboard in his hand or hanging around his backpack. He was in the IT Department back then, I dont really know his course, guess he was Comp. Science student. Now he's a freelance PHP/MySQL programmer. Working his way in the crazy world of computer programming and I think trying to make name in the world of internet as one of the best freelance programmers active on the world wide web. It's a shame he didn't graduate, guess it is one the biggest loss of USEP and all the USEPians out there. He was and "IS" an asset to the university, but then I guess even though how good you are there would always be a bitch around you to bring you down. Pinoy gyud! ana gyud na..malas lang..

Anyways, about this blogging thing, I wanted to try on wordpress.org. I find there templates quite simple but nice. I'm not being rude to blogspot.com tho', it's just that most of the blogs that I used to read are published in wordpress.org. But when I tried it, I guess it's for the more techie kinda of a person, I just can't understand how it works. It's because, first, most of their commands are confusing for me. Second, I guess you need to be good in html or java to do changes on your posts or your template. And lastly, I guess wordpress.org is really not for me! HA!

The Heat is ON!

Summer is fast approaching, and what better way to spend the summer is go to the beach. Others go on nature tripping, went on camping, spending the night in the woods, or going on to the provinces to visit their relatives and the such.

Me? I still don't know. I'm no beach bum for all times sake. I wanted to go to my relatives on my fathers side but I don't know the place. I wanted to go on nature tripping, a friend of mine asked me to come join with him go on a trail to Mt. Apo (the highest peak in the Philippines), but I don't have any money right now. Hoooaahh! Guess my vacation would be no fun after all.

Holy Week is due next week, and most of the people are thinking of going to the beach to relax and have fun, to get away from their busy and hectic schedules in the city, while others go on nature tripping. As for me, well, guess I'll just stay in the house and watch everyone in the neighborhood have all the fun.

I remember going to Cannibad, Samal with my partner summer of last year. It was a nice retreat. We have time to talk and reflect. The place was great. It was quiet, very relaxing, the water was great, it was crystal clear. It was such a very nice place to go out and spend time with your special someone. It was quite an experience worth remniscin'. Now back to reality.

Hmm..I think my partner seems to spend the Holy Week with us here in Davao. She's not from anywhere near Davao, she's only here in Davao because she works at some private school here as a teacher. She has to finish all the necessary papers for the school before she can go back to her province in del sur. I'm also a teacher in the making, and I know pretty well how hard and tedious it is to do the paper works. She have to spend the Holy Week with me and I guess spending time with her, helping her with all those paper works is better than spendin' time going out with other people. Ha!

Guess my vacation isn't so bad after all. ;p

Keeping in Touch

Problem with people breaking up is that they don't communicate. Really. Seems like they just took everything for granted without talking. They just let everything pass as if everything would be fine even if no talk was done. Ha! The end result, bitter-sweet goodbyes (sob).

On our part, me and my partner, we always try to work things out. Talk. Communicate. An essential to every relationship I must say. It's really hard to talk about things between you two if your in some sort of argument, but with a bit of patience in listening to each other and trying to understand every detail of your problem whatever it is, everything would turn out just fine. Hopefully. It happens, really.

Try always to keep in touch. That's the Golden Rule for me. Understand. Have Faith. Never loose Hope. And share your biggest Love.

I Need You

Just finished checking papers, have nothing to do. Looked up some good songs and found this cool song from Jars of Clay. It's called I Need You. Reminds me of my partner. God I miss her so much. I always wanted her to know how much she means to me and how much I needed her in my life.

Here's the song. Enjoy.

I need you - Jars of Clay


strangely out of place
there's a light filling this room where
none would follow before
i can't deny it burns me up inside
i fan the flames to melt away my pride
do i want shelter from the rain
or the rain to wash me away?

CHORUS:
i need you, i need you, i need you
i need you, i need you, i need you
you're all i'm livin' for

i might sound like a fool
but i think i felt you moving closer to me
face to the ground to hide the fatal cut
i fight the weight, i feel you lift me up
you are the shelter from the rain
and the rain to wash me away

[CHORUS]
i need you, i need you, i need you
you're all i'm livin' for
(all i'm livin' for)
all i'm livin' for
(all i'm livin' for)
you're all i'm livin' for

face to the ground to hide the fatal cut
i fight the weight, i feel you lift me up
i can't deny it burns me up inside
i fan the flames to melt away my pride
i only had a second to spare
but all the time in the world to know you're there
you are the shelter from the rain
and the rain to wash me away

i need you, i need you, i need you
(all I'm livin' for)
i need you, i need you, i need you
(all i'm livin' for)
i need you, i need you, i need you
you're all i'm livin' for
(all i'm livin' for)
all i'm livin' for
(all i'm livin' for)
you're all i'm livin' for
(all i'm livin' for)
all i'm livin' for
(all i'm livin' for)
you're all i'm livin' for

Prejudice

I'm so confused.
Can't move. Stunned.
I feel sick. I don't know what to do.
I feel helpless.
Depressed.

I'm living a relationship
full LOVE but with a bunch
of sweet Lies. Hurts real bad.

I love her. She loves me.
She needs time. I need her.
We build "US" together. She
want's out. I'm in pain,
She's not. I want her, She
pushes me out. I cried, but
She don't care.

She was my lover, intimate partner,
constant companion, sidekick,
comrade, schoolmate, soul mate,
talk buddy, ally, pal, date,
flame, confidante, steady,
date, sweetheart,bosom buddy,
and my best friend.

She is my life.....

I don't know what to do.
Is it time to let go?
I can't. I just can't.

I just Love her so much,
I guess I can still take
more pain and suffering from
her.

Waiting. I'm Dead Tired!
When will this be OK?

God help me.

Learning experience

How do i start this,umm, We're back?!?!

Yep! We talked again, and the result was beautiful. Good for the both of us. Each earning respect. At first, we were both doubtful of what will happen after our talk which was about to grow as another argument. But as we listened, understand and learn from each other, the result was good. Good in a sense that we're back, not totally I guess, but at some point back to our usual status plus a more natural, understanding, and mature relationship.

Realization. We both realize that for more than 5 years of being with each other, the part where we do what we want to do, without having to worry about "what if she would do/feel if I blah2x with my friends" or "what if I do this/that", or all those things that we have to do personally, we still have yet, done nothing about it. We used to fear what each of us would feel if I would do something for myself and vice versa. We realize that we have to loosen up a bit. This is the part of our relationship that made us feel Fed Up! We're like prisoners of our own relationship.

Now, we're good. At last. For the very last time, I hope. We just have to understand one another, and give each other space from time to time to do things for our own and still have time for us, our growing relationship. I thanked her many times for coming back and being the old her again. I know it's not easy for her also to bring her old feeling back for me, but I can see her effort of making things back the way it was before. What I can do is try to give her what she wants, and do new things that would make the both of us be thrilled and excited again. Something new, I guess, would make it easier for us to be back on track.

Let the good times roll ;p

A very good feeling...

Im feeling good today. Very good actually. The feeling seem's very natural. I guess this is what you feel when you miss a person so much and suddenly that person shows up! Ha! Exciting.Yep! I was surprised to see her. My partner went to the house early this evening after her long exhausting work just to surprise me. And surprised i was. I really can't explain the feeling. It just feels good to see her, knowing that she really meant what she said to me. Her promises seems true. And I know it is.We have some talks. And it was a very encouraging and comforting talk. I can feel her sincerity about the things between us. I just love her so much. It was nice. It was good. Everything was true.

Question's. Answers.

It's been days now since me and partner last talked face to face. We only communicate through text messaging(SMS). The fight we had blew up just like that. I don't really know if it is right to call it a fight. Our arguments were more like a debate. Lot's of questions with no definite answer.

We decided to see each other. She went to the house to settle our confusions. Let the debate begin (wink ;p). At first, we were just arguing. Those usual arguements. None of us wants to go down and give way. We both are strong and confident on what we believe. Pride. Questions were asks, no answers were given. Then suddenly everything went quiet. Asleep?? nahh.. :D

The talks, the questions raised made us think. I guess, that made our mouth shut for a moment. We were pondering on all those confusing part of our relationship. Then we started to talk. A give and take kinda talk.

After the long, exhausting, teeth cracking, mouth drying, and mind blowing talks we had, we were settled. Yes. It was good. We learned to listen to each other, try to understand one another and hear each one's side then looking for the best possible answers to all those arguments.

It was tough to accept the truth, that's reality I guess. But it's even harder to look for remedies. It's hard tho' but I guess dealing with it will make us become a more stronger individual and a more mature and loving couple.

Conclusion to our great debate? Forgive. Give. Understand.

Give. What is interesting to me is that from etymology point of view, the word ´give´ shares the same root in the Old English with the word ´forgive´.

In a way, it makes perfect sense. When we forgive someone, we do give a piece of ourselves to that person.

Amazingly, it works both ways. When we give, we might also need to forgive them - if by any chance we do not get something in return, or even worse.

So we try to remember: giving is a one way process, unfortunately. When we give, we give. We do not expect something in return, unless you are in somekind of a business deal. If you do get something, great. Do forgive them (and yourself), if you do not.

We're back! Good as new i guess. And hopefully for the rest of our lives.

--end for now---